The Case of the Health Inspector

When I last spoke to Brian last over some oh-so-good Filipino breakfast loganissa, I mentioned the restaurant was not quite complete without a REAL parrot to complete the vintage Pirate-esque feel he has going on at Vasco's.

This is the closet thing Vasco's currently has to a real parrot

I was devastated to find out that not too long ago, there were TWO parrots and a white cockatoo!

Brian went on the explain that tragically he had to get rid of the birds after he was visited by 'The Health Inspector.' She came, she saw, she handed down three violations, of which Brian questions:

1. 1 The restaurant needed to be fumigated

B: "What does this involve?"
I: "Well, you call the fumigators, you close all the doors and windows and they let a bug bomb off."
B: "I havn't got any doors or windows."

1. 2 There was no fire escapes or emergency exit signs

B: "I havn't got any doors or windows and my restaurant is built over the ocean."

1. 3 No birds are allowed in the restaurant

B: "So what do I do about the swallows and the sparrows?"

The solution to the fire escape situation was to hang life jackets from every door and window with the word "EXIT" scribbled on each of them.
The unfortunate truth is that Brian had to remove the parrots from the restaurant, who up until that point had mastered sneaking away with bottles of local Tanduay Rum and getting drunk and rowdy like some customers. But for the sparrows and swallows, the solution is below:

The solution